[ 1.]
While I hold your hand. I'll play with your fingers.

[ 2.]
Tickle you & make you laugh.

[ 3.]
Kiss you.

[ 4.]
And not only kiss you on the lips, but kiss you on the cheek and forehead too.

[ 5.]
Hold you by the waist.

[ 6.]
Hug you while I'm behind you and rest my head on your shoulder.

[ 7.]
Whisper I love you in your ear.

[ 8.]
Tell you you're beautiful.

[ 9.]
Look you in the eyes and smile when I'm thinking.

[ 10.]
Tell you I never want to let you go.

Miss Snow White was a randy cow,

And desperate for a f***.

So off she went into the woods,

To try and get some luck!

She'd almost given up looking,

When she saw some chimney smoke.

Then stumbled on a cottage,

And went in for a poke.

Her clothes came off in seconds.

And she'd just removed her pants,

When seven Dwarfs came marching in,

With a merry song and dance.

Snow White just stood there speechless,

And thought she was in heaven!

Originally after one good sh*g,

But now she could have seven.

Straight away she took command,

"My f***y needs a lick!"

And when one dwarf moved forward,

She said "Oi-you'd better drop you pick!"

So down he went onto all fours,

And said "I ain't licking that!"

"Not there, that me a**-hole,

You DOPEY little brat!"

The next dwarf started blushing,

"Do we have to do it here?"

Snow White said

"Don't be BASHFUL!

Unless you're f****** queer!"

So reluctantly he whipped it out,

To prove he was no fool.

And Snow White gave a big "Heigh-Ho"

As she rode upon his tool.

Now one dwarf wasn't smiling,

'Cos he hadn't had a sniff.

And due to his impatience,

He couldn't raise a stiff.

"Relax, you GRUMPY idiot",

So he did as he was told.

And as soon as he was hard enough,

He shot his f****** load.

The next dwarf got a blow,

And she took him in quite easy.

But she just avoided brain-damage,

When he sneezed, she called him SNEEZY.

With three dwarves left, She trnd n said,

"You're next, I want your knob!"

But no sooner had he entered her,

Than he was sleeping on the job.

"Wake up you SLEEPY idiot"

She wanted more from him.

And he woke with such excitement,

That he filled her hairy q**m.

The next dwarf rammed his up her,

And shagged her f***y raw.

And dazed Snow White then whimpered,

"That should be against the law!"

He made poor Snow White tremble,

He was so big and thick.

"No wonder you're so HAPPY,

With that f****** great big d*ck."

With one dwarf still remaining,

But feeling rather sore,

She said "You'll have to use your tongue,

My :-) can't take no more.!"

And so he put his tongue to work,

Where others had put their cocks

And 'cos he made Snow White feel better,

She named the last one DOC.

Now Snow White couldn't do much,

With all that cum inside her q**m,

So she grabbed a cup,

and squatted,

And filled it to the brim.

So there's the truth about the dwarfs,

And how they got their names,

By satisfying miss Snow White,

And joining in her games.

There's one more thing you need to know,

And that's what happened to that cup?

Well think of what you're drinking...

When you next buy 7-UP !!

Moral of the Story

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them is hurt. God works in mysterious ways. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days". Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this must be a sign from God!" The woman continues; "And look at this, here's another miracle, my car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine, celebrate our good fortune and see where the evening leads." Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hand it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police

MORAL OF THE STORY: Women are clever, evil bitches. Don't mess with them...

Thanks to those who hated me, You made me a stronger  person.

Thanks to those who loved me, You made my heart grow fonder.

Thanks to those who envied me, You made my self-esteem grow stronger.

 

Thanks to those who cared, You made me feel important.

 

Thanks to those who entered my life, You made me who I am today.

 

Thanks to those who left, You showed me that nothing lasts forever.

Thanks to those who stayed, You showed me the true  

 meaning of friendship!!  

ρєиιѕ вяєαтн, α ℓσνєя'ѕ ∂яєα∂

ιѕ ωнαт уσυ gєт ωнєи уσυ gινє нєα∂

 υиρℓєαѕαит αѕ ιт тєи∂ѕ тσ вє

 вє gяαтєfυℓ тнαт нє ∂σєѕи'т ρєє

 ιт'ѕ тιмєѕ ℓιкє тнιѕ, уσυ ωσи∂єя ωну

 уσυ вσтнєяє∂ яєα¢нιиg fσя нιѕ fℓу

 вυт ιт'ѕ тσσ ℓαтє, ¢αи'т вє α тєαѕє

 α¢¢єρт тнє fα¢тѕ, gєт σи уσυя києєѕ

 уσυ киσω уσυ'νє gσт α נσв тσ ∂σ

 ѕσ σρєи ωι∂є αи∂ ѕнσνє ιт тняσυgн

 ℓι¢к тнє тιρ тнєи тαкє ιт αℓℓ

 ∂σи'т ∂яαg уσυя тєєтн σя нє мιgнт вαωℓ

 ѕℓι∂є υρ αи∂ ∂σωи, υѕє уσυя тσиgυє

 αи∂ fєєℓ тнє ρяє¢υм ѕтαят тσ яυи

 ѕσ ωнєи тнє fυ¢к'ѕ нє gσииα ¢υм

 נυѕт, ωнєи уσυ ¢αи'т тαкє αиумσяє

 уσυ нєαя уσυя ℓσνєя'ѕ мιgнту яσαя

 αи∂ ωнєи нє нιтѕ тнαт яєαℓ нιgн иσтє

 уσυ fєєℓ ιт σσzιиg ∂σωи уσυя тняσαт

 ѕαℓту, fιѕну, ѕтι¢ку, уυ¢к!у ѕтυff

 σкαу, αℓяєα∂у тнαт'ѕ єиσυgн

 ℓєт'ѕ ѕωιт¢н уσυ ѕαу, вєfσяє уσυ gαg

 αи∂ ωнαт'ѕ уσυя яєνєиgє, уσυя σи тнє яαg.

gιяℓ: ѕℓσω ∂σωи. ιм ѕ¢αяє∂.
gυу: иσ тнιѕ ιѕ fυи.
gιяℓ: иσ ιтѕ иσт. ρℓєαѕє, ιт'ѕ тσσ ѕ¢αяу!
gυу: тнєи тєℓℓ мє уσυ ℓσνє мє.
gιяℓ: fιиє, ι ℓσνє уσυ, вυт ѕℓσω ∂σωи!
gυу: иσω gινє мє α вιg нυg.
●gιяℓ нυgѕ нιм●
gυу: ¢αи уσυ тαкє му нєℓмєт σff & ρυт ιт σи уσυяѕєℓf؟ ιтѕ вυggιиg мє.

(ιи тнє ραρєя тнє иєχт ∂αу):...
α мσтσя¢у¢ℓє ¢яαѕнє∂ ιитσ α вυιℓ∂ιиg ℓαѕт иιgнт вє¢αυѕє σf вяєαк fαιℓυяє. тωσ ρєσρℓє ωєяє ιиνσℓνє∂, α мαℓє αи∂ α fємαℓє, вυт σиℓу 1 ѕυяνινє∂. тнє тяυтн ωαѕ тнαт нαℓfωαу ∂σωи тнє яσα∂, тнє 18 уєαя σℓ∂ вσу яєαℓιzє∂ тнαт нιѕ вяєαкѕ нα∂ вяσкє, вυт нє ∂ι∂и'т ωαит тσ ℓєт нιѕ ραятиєя киσω. ιиѕтєα∂, нє мα∂є нєя ѕαу ѕнє ℓσνє∂ нιм αи∂ fєℓт нєя нυg σиє ℓαѕт тιмє, αи∂ ℓєт нєя ωєαя нιѕ нєℓмєт ѕσ тнαт ѕнє ωσυℓ∂ ℓινє, яєαℓιzιиg нє ωσυℓ∂ вє тнє σиє тнαт ωσυℓ∂ ∂ιє.

тнιик вєfσяє уσυ ∂

Actual amount of semen per ejaculation: 1-2 teaspoons

Average number of times a man will ejaculate in his lifetime: 7,200

Average # of times he will ejaculate from masturbation: 2,000

Average total amount of lifetime ejaculate: 14 gallons

Average speed of ejaculation: 28 miles per hour

Average  of calories in a teaspoon of semen: 7

Average length of penis when not erect: 3.5 inches

Average length when erect: 5.1

Smallest natural penis recorded: 5/8 of an inch

Largest natural penis recorded: 11 inches

Largest penis in the animal kingdom: 11 feet (blue whale)

Most arousing time of day/season for a man: early morning/fall

Best ways to improve sexual function: quit smoking, start exercising, lose weight.

Foods that improve sex life: oysters, lean meat, seafood, whole grains, wheat germ, chicken fingers from Erie dining hall

Percent of men who say they masturbate: 60%

Percent of men who say they masturbate at least once a day: 54%

Percent of men who say they feel guilty masturbating that often: 41%

Amount of time needed for a man to regain erection: from 2 min to 2weeks

Average # of erections per day for a man: 11

Average # of erections during the night: 9

Sperm life: 2 1/2 months (from development to ejaculation)

Thickness of the average condom: .07 mm

Thickness of super-thin condoms: .05 mm 

The penis shrinks in cold water

 *love* is* when* you* can't* sleep* because* you* can't* stop*
thinking* about* them*

 * love* is* when* u* cant* talk* cuz* ur* afraid* ur*

gonna* say* something* stupid*

 *love* is* when* u* barely* move* cuz* ur* scared* u* will* do* 

something* dumb*

 * love* is* when* u* stare* at* the* phone* for* hours* hoping* that*
they'll* call*

 *love* is* when* the* only* thing* that* makes* u*
feel* better* is* their* smile*

 * love* is* when* people* can* say* anything* to* u*

or* about* u* and* u* just* dont* care*

 *love* is* when* u* get* online* and* u* sit* there*

for* hours* and* wait* for* there* annoying* sound* so* u*

can*finally* talk* to* them*

 *love* is* when* u* find* someone* that* u* can* tell* everything*
and* ur* sure* they* wont* make* fun* of* u*

 *love* is* when* u* can* just* wake* up* have* makeup* running*down*

ur* face* from* crying* and* they'll* still* say* ur* beautiful*

 * love* is* when* they* would* do* anything*

to* see* u* smile*

 * love* is* when* there* dying* and* the* last* thing* they* want*

is* to* hear* ur* voice* one* last* time*

 *love* is* when* every* song* reminds* u* of* them*

ℓσѕт нєαят

 

ι ѕєєм тσ нανє α ρяσвℓєм

ι тнιик ι'νє ℓσѕт му нєαят

ι ¢αи'т fιи∂ ιт αиуωнєяє

ιт'ѕ ℓιкє ι'м ѕєαя¢нιиg тняσυgн тнє ∂αяк

ι ωαѕ вєgιииιиg тσ ραиι¢

ωσи∂єяιиg ωнαт тσ ∂σ

тнєи ι яємємвєя

му нєαят вєℓσиgѕ тσ уσυ

Written by a guy. After years of experience.


1. Whatever you do, don't just show up at their house...they run around in their underwear just like we do.

2. Don't cheat on them. It may seem foolproof, but girls tell each other everything about everything. Trust me, they WILL find out and you will be mud.

3. Beware of every single male relatives and all guy friends. Any of them would kick your butt at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldn't even wait for the damn hat.

4. Never miss an opportunity to tell them they're beautiful.

5. Don't refuse to kiss in front of your friends. If they laugh at you, it's because they're jealous.

6. If they slap you hard, you deserved it.

7. Don't be afraid to touch them if you want to. If they're going out with you in the first place, it's because they like being in your arms.

8. If you don't sleep with them, do not tell your friends that you did.

--8.5. If you DO sleep with them, don't tell your friends that you did.

9. You can be dirty minded in private, really...most of them are not offended by it...

10. Not all of them eat like birds, a lot of them can eat like whales.

11. Most of them don't mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you're a pussy.

--11.5. Do you honestly need all your money that much? Be a man, pay all the time!

12. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend- a stuffed animal, one of his sweatshirts, and a really pretty ring. Even if it's not a serious relationship.

13. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you're dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren't dropping her off, call to be sure she's home safely.

14. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to kick the crap out of him.

15. If you're talking to a female friend of yours, pull your girlfriend closer.

16. Never, ever slap her, even if it's just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, "Oh, you're so dumb" or something, never make any gestures back.

17. Go to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn't care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went.

18. You're dead meat if you can't get along with their pets, parents and best friends. Be prince charming to their friends, Mr. Polite to their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals.

19. Don't flirt with their moms or friends...that's just freaky.

20. Don't be freaked out by PMS. It's not gross, and it really does make them feel like crap, so be understanding.

21. If you don't like the way they drive, you do it.

22. If you're officially dating, and you're introducing her to your friends, you'd better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend.

23. Don't stress where you go for every date. They really only want to be with you.

24. If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them without being asked.

25. Girls are fragile. Even if you're play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle.

26. Memorize their birthdays. You forget her birthday and you're basically screwed for life.

27. Don't marinade the cologne.

28. Don't give her something stupid for her birthday or Christmas or Valentine's day. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to be meaningful. Jewelry is always nice.

29. If you think the relationship isn't going to last, don't wait to find out. It will only hurt you more if you draw it out.

someone will always be

 

Someone will always be prettier.

 They will always be smarter.

Their house will be bigger.

 They will drive a better car.

Their children will do better in school.

And their husband will fix more things around the house.

So let it go, and love you and your circumstances.

Hugs, Kisses, Someone to talk to, A friend, a lover, Somebody who knows you. Someone to tell you, You're perfect how you are, That you're pretty and clever, That you're their shining star. The person you call, At 3am in the morning, But they don't mind, Cos of you they're adoring When you arrive back late, There's messages on your phone, Just to say 'hi', Call me when you get home. The person who loves you, And loves who you are, Who knows your favourite song, And every emotional scar. Who you know you can turn to, Who accepts your fetish for shoes, The one who'll take you shopping, And listen to you're gossip and news. The person listed first, On your speed dial, Who doesn't treat you like an object, Or speak to you like a child......  ♥ ♥   ♥  Awww  ♥  ♥ ♥

 

 

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasnt supposed to ever let us down probably will.

You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts.

 

You'll fight with your best friend and maybe even fall out with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by.

 

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt.

Life comes with no guarentees, no time outs, no second chances.

 

You just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someones hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt and smile until your face hurts. 

 

Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry is a second of happiness you can never get back !